Maybe He Should Give His Teammates Some of His Steroids?

Ryan Braun, how I despise ye.

Not the minor league pitcher, the left fielder for the Milwaukee Brewers. You know, the one who won the National Leauge MVP award in 2011 and was then found out to be on drugs. However, since the guy who was supposed to be doing the drug testing couldn't get it shipped out on time because FedEx was closed, so he kept it in his freezer for the weekend, which made everyone say "He could have tampered with it! Braun-hater!"

And people still love this guy even afterwards, because they don't want to believe that he isn't on drugs; they just want him to be Milwaukee's superhero.

But that's not the only reason I despise him.

I've despised him from the very moment I've heard of him. First of all, he mispronounces his name. It's supposed to be pronounced like Brown, but since he just wants to appear so manly and tough, he pronounces it like Brawn. But that's only a minor irritation.

He's half-Jewish and says that he's just so proud to be a role model to young Jewish kids everywhere. Too bad he doesn't celebrate any of the holidays. Which he said on live TV. That doesn't stop him from milking every second of it. I can only imagine him saying in 2007, "I'm the only Jewish athlete invited to go to the White House for Hannukah! And I get to talk to the president about baseball! Sorry teammates, but you just didn't happen to be born into a religion that you don't actually practice!"

He was also supposed to be the Bachelor, but he turned it down. Cuz he was just too awesome to spend time on national television for more than an hour at a time to talk about something that wasn't how "naturally" amazing he was at baseball.

And like I said, people still love him. Not that it makes much of a difference anyway: the 2013 Brewers season is horrendous (much like the Phillies and the Blue Jays, except I actually want the Brewers season to be horrendous), but the fans keep coming and cheering away at loss after loss. Braun isn't even the best player on the team this year, but just because a couple of steroids propelled him to the top two years ago, he's still an idol.

I, personally, will stick to Cliff Lee and Aaron Loup, who are both worthy of my appreciation.

Loupy for Loup...even if he does look kinda
 funny. And makes that weird face when he
pitches.

UPDATE: So Ryan Braun got suspended. For the rest of the season. Without pay. Almost immediately after I wrote this. Am I special or what?

Now I need to think of another baseball player to detest, especially since Chipper Jones retired...